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very_anti_virus[Yes, I know that this post does contain several inaccuracies and whatnot, but the whole point of them is for comedic effect.
I mean, you don't expect a hick system to be anything resembling "sophisticated", did you?
Anyways...]
[Musical accompaniment.]
"Can't stay awake much longer; I need to sleep. We'll stop here and get some rest." That was a few microseconds before the system lights would be switched on and they could get a better look at where they were. Yawning, he'd ordered a room for two, and was practically asleep before he even got into bed. But now that he is awake and rested, he can finally ask for more than just a key from the binome who earlier seemed to be hiding a smirk as she showed them where their room was. "Mind telling me where we are?" he'd asked the one binome. "System name?"
The binome in question smiles, revealling a gap-toothed smile, causing AndrAIa, Matrix, and even Frisket to startle. Binomes with teeth? What kind of place was this, anyways?
"You've done gone and found yourself in 'Radiance', stranger. There anything else I can do for you fine folks?"
Neither sprite seemed to have an answer to her question, which seems to be taken by the binome to continue on.
"It's jus' a sweet lil' corner of the 'net," the binome says, as though reading his expression. "Y'all are jus' in time, too. Got a big event lined up f'r today, if'n you're lookin' f'r somethin' to do with your lady ... friend?" The binome gives Matrix another of those looks that say she's quite amused at the thought of what he might've been doing earlier. In private.
"What sort of ... event?" Matrix asks, and if it's at all possible, the binome smiles even wider, which is just disturbing, as there's even more missing teeth and even the remnants of whatever she ate last stuck to the inside of her mouth. Didn't people here understand the concept of hygeine? "We gots ourselves a big ol' fair lined up today. I'm sure you folks'll have a hoot, there's all different sorts'o'things to be found there."
"Sounds real alphanumeric," Matrix grumbles with complete sarcasm that the binome misses, and replies to with, "Yer darn right it'll be! Even got ZIP pig catching schedualled." Whispering at a level only Frisket and AndrAIa can hear, he mutters, "I should've waited at least half a microsecond longer before landing here. Then we wouldn't be in this place."
AndrAIa's smile seems a bit forced now, but at least now she's able to speak. "Sounds...interesting. We might wander over later." The bimome whoops. "I'll be seeing you Strangers there then! Your man looks like he'd make short work out of them there ZIP pigs."
And when the binome gets that look of remembering something she'd forgotten earlier, she tells them not to wander far, with all the enthusiasm she'd shown just then, and takes off somewhere.
"ZIP ... pig ... catching?" If this place weren't so BASIC he might actually find it funny. With a shrug, he looks at AndrAIa. "Let's check this place out and see if there's anything it can give us to do to make us too busy to be able to catch pigs later on."
Alas, that was not to be. Since the whole system seemed to be bustling about because of the fair ["Are the people here really that starved for entertainment?"], they spent more time taking in the eight bit horror that was Radiance ["I'll bet this system was named 'Radiance' by another outsider. As a joke. One these people didn't get."] than Matrix would've liked.
"All righ', since you's strangers don't know nothin' 'bout ZIP pig catching, we's gonna tell y'all all 'bout't."
Standing outside a pit filled with MUD and several animals that the natives called "pigs", the Mainframers look as though they're busy exchanging tense expressions and several whispered comments while the zero binome began his talk about what the event was all about.
"ZIP pig catchin'. Each o' you's given a pig to catch, see? And you're timed onnit. Fastest pig catcher wins."
"I can only imagine what the prize is," Matrix mutters, and the zero smiles. This one at least had more teeth than the binome at the hotel. "It's a good-un prize, sir! Anyways... ZIP pig catchin'. Right. You's catch the pig you're supposed t'catch. In the fastest time possible. But, if you catch someone else's piggy, y'see, you's gets time added onto your own. Five nanoseconds each time. Other'n that? Y'go hog wild. Them rules is clear?"
Maybe to the inhabitants of Radiance they were complicated, but Matrix, AndrAIa and Frisket understand them quite easily, and the zero nods.
"Righ' then. Everybody in!"
They're nearly trampled as about twenty binomes all rush into the pit of MUD, but once inside—and with several attempts by Matrix to stay bipedal, the zero blows his whistle, and the place is suddenly filled with excited shouts from the binomes.
"They're really starved for—whoa!" Matrix shouts as he slips in the MUD, causing AndrAIa to laugh. "You'll never catch anything at that rate!" she says with a giggle. Trust AndrAIa to find the best in a situation as she eagerly throws herself into the game, and is soon covered down the front with MUD.
"Tha' big green one ain't doin' so well?" a binome shouts from outside the pit. "Ain't gonna catch nuthin'!"
"Contestant number 11 has his pig!" the zero shouts over the loudspeaker. At least they're smart enough here to count in binary without giving themselves a headache. "Hurry up, green guy! Yer lady's beatin' ya!"
"I'm trying!" Matrix shouts as Frisket whizzes past, easily catching his pig.
"Contestant number 1000 has his pig! Give that dog a bone!"
Not wanting to be outdone by his own dog, he lunges at what he hopes is his pig [everyone in the pit has at least half their body covered in MUD], and does a spectacular belly-down splat instead. Just as their camera flashes and clicks [they'd given it to one of the yokels to use, not wanting it to get dirty].
"Almost got it Matrix!" AndrAIa shouts with encouragement, while Matrix lifts his face from the muck, MUD dripping. This is really starting to try his patience—as if the locals hadn't already done so.
"That's it I've had enough," he growls as he gets up and lunges at his pig, lands on it, and causes the poor animal to let out a spectacular squeal of pain in response.
At which point, the crowd really goes wild.
"Unorthodox but it works! Contestant number 101 has his pig! Give'm a hand folks!"
Matrix, just glad to be done with the effort, retires to where Frisket and the other binomes who've all caught their pigs are standing, with the Game sprite soon joining them.
"Fun huh?" AndrAIa laughs. There's hardly a clean patch on her, she's so covered in MUD. Strangely, the sight is rather appealling, and he's grateful for the MUD covering his own face, or she would see he's now a nice defined shade of jade. "We should do this again!"
"I don't think so," is Matrix' response.
Within the course of a microsecond, all the pigs are caught, and the injured one is sent to the vet to be treated for its injuries.
"Arright! Time to hand out the prizes!"
"Here you go. And here's yours, and yours." The three fastest contestents, were of course, all locals, but the binome handing out the prizes still came up to the strangers, handing them something. It appeared to be a statue of a little binome holding a pig while smiling stupidly.
"What's this? We didn't make the top three," Matrix asks, confused.
"It's the 'special effort' trophy, sir. And you've wonnit!"
Not wanting to be rude, Matrix reluctantly accepts the trophy, and AndrAIa smiles at him. She at least makes all this better.
"Better go to the data showers t'get cleaned up'n'all, you's two. There be grub later!"
"Can't wait," Matrix says with more of his sarcasm, as a chicken flutters up onto his head and settles there.
"Dear Bob and Dot.
First stop was a quaint little system called 'Radiance'. Inhabitants are a bit slow in speed, but they're friendly and pleasant enough, regardless of what Matrix might tell you. Participated in someting called 'ZIP pig catching', which is fun and messy—you should try it sometime.
Anyways, we're off to the next system. Matrix hopes the next one is more developed than Radiance is.
JPGs included [check out that MUDdy Matrix!].
Love, Andi."
I mean, you don't expect a hick system to be anything resembling "sophisticated", did you?
Anyways...]
[Musical accompaniment.]
"Can't stay awake much longer; I need to sleep. We'll stop here and get some rest." That was a few microseconds before the system lights would be switched on and they could get a better look at where they were. Yawning, he'd ordered a room for two, and was practically asleep before he even got into bed. But now that he is awake and rested, he can finally ask for more than just a key from the binome who earlier seemed to be hiding a smirk as she showed them where their room was. "Mind telling me where we are?" he'd asked the one binome. "System name?"
The binome in question smiles, revealling a gap-toothed smile, causing AndrAIa, Matrix, and even Frisket to startle. Binomes with teeth? What kind of place was this, anyways?
"You've done gone and found yourself in 'Radiance', stranger. There anything else I can do for you fine folks?"
Neither sprite seemed to have an answer to her question, which seems to be taken by the binome to continue on.
"It's jus' a sweet lil' corner of the 'net," the binome says, as though reading his expression. "Y'all are jus' in time, too. Got a big event lined up f'r today, if'n you're lookin' f'r somethin' to do with your lady ... friend?" The binome gives Matrix another of those looks that say she's quite amused at the thought of what he might've been doing earlier. In private.
"What sort of ... event?" Matrix asks, and if it's at all possible, the binome smiles even wider, which is just disturbing, as there's even more missing teeth and even the remnants of whatever she ate last stuck to the inside of her mouth. Didn't people here understand the concept of hygeine? "We gots ourselves a big ol' fair lined up today. I'm sure you folks'll have a hoot, there's all different sorts'o'things to be found there."
"Sounds real alphanumeric," Matrix grumbles with complete sarcasm that the binome misses, and replies to with, "Yer darn right it'll be! Even got ZIP pig catching schedualled." Whispering at a level only Frisket and AndrAIa can hear, he mutters, "I should've waited at least half a microsecond longer before landing here. Then we wouldn't be in this place."
AndrAIa's smile seems a bit forced now, but at least now she's able to speak. "Sounds...interesting. We might wander over later." The bimome whoops. "I'll be seeing you Strangers there then! Your man looks like he'd make short work out of them there ZIP pigs."
And when the binome gets that look of remembering something she'd forgotten earlier, she tells them not to wander far, with all the enthusiasm she'd shown just then, and takes off somewhere.
"ZIP ... pig ... catching?" If this place weren't so BASIC he might actually find it funny. With a shrug, he looks at AndrAIa. "Let's check this place out and see if there's anything it can give us to do to make us too busy to be able to catch pigs later on."
Alas, that was not to be. Since the whole system seemed to be bustling about because of the fair ["Are the people here really that starved for entertainment?"], they spent more time taking in the eight bit horror that was Radiance ["I'll bet this system was named 'Radiance' by another outsider. As a joke. One these people didn't get."] than Matrix would've liked.
"All righ', since you's strangers don't know nothin' 'bout ZIP pig catching, we's gonna tell y'all all 'bout't."
Standing outside a pit filled with MUD and several animals that the natives called "pigs", the Mainframers look as though they're busy exchanging tense expressions and several whispered comments while the zero binome began his talk about what the event was all about.
"ZIP pig catchin'. Each o' you's given a pig to catch, see? And you're timed onnit. Fastest pig catcher wins."
"I can only imagine what the prize is," Matrix mutters, and the zero smiles. This one at least had more teeth than the binome at the hotel. "It's a good-un prize, sir! Anyways... ZIP pig catchin'. Right. You's catch the pig you're supposed t'catch. In the fastest time possible. But, if you catch someone else's piggy, y'see, you's gets time added onto your own. Five nanoseconds each time. Other'n that? Y'go hog wild. Them rules is clear?"
Maybe to the inhabitants of Radiance they were complicated, but Matrix, AndrAIa and Frisket understand them quite easily, and the zero nods.
"Righ' then. Everybody in!"
They're nearly trampled as about twenty binomes all rush into the pit of MUD, but once inside—and with several attempts by Matrix to stay bipedal, the zero blows his whistle, and the place is suddenly filled with excited shouts from the binomes.
"They're really starved for—whoa!" Matrix shouts as he slips in the MUD, causing AndrAIa to laugh. "You'll never catch anything at that rate!" she says with a giggle. Trust AndrAIa to find the best in a situation as she eagerly throws herself into the game, and is soon covered down the front with MUD.
"Tha' big green one ain't doin' so well?" a binome shouts from outside the pit. "Ain't gonna catch nuthin'!"
"Contestant number 11 has his pig!" the zero shouts over the loudspeaker. At least they're smart enough here to count in binary without giving themselves a headache. "Hurry up, green guy! Yer lady's beatin' ya!"
"I'm trying!" Matrix shouts as Frisket whizzes past, easily catching his pig.
"Contestant number 1000 has his pig! Give that dog a bone!"
Not wanting to be outdone by his own dog, he lunges at what he hopes is his pig [everyone in the pit has at least half their body covered in MUD], and does a spectacular belly-down splat instead. Just as their camera flashes and clicks [they'd given it to one of the yokels to use, not wanting it to get dirty].
"Almost got it Matrix!" AndrAIa shouts with encouragement, while Matrix lifts his face from the muck, MUD dripping. This is really starting to try his patience—as if the locals hadn't already done so.
"That's it I've had enough," he growls as he gets up and lunges at his pig, lands on it, and causes the poor animal to let out a spectacular squeal of pain in response.
At which point, the crowd really goes wild.
"Unorthodox but it works! Contestant number 101 has his pig! Give'm a hand folks!"
Matrix, just glad to be done with the effort, retires to where Frisket and the other binomes who've all caught their pigs are standing, with the Game sprite soon joining them.
"Fun huh?" AndrAIa laughs. There's hardly a clean patch on her, she's so covered in MUD. Strangely, the sight is rather appealling, and he's grateful for the MUD covering his own face, or she would see he's now a nice defined shade of jade. "We should do this again!"
"I don't think so," is Matrix' response.
Within the course of a microsecond, all the pigs are caught, and the injured one is sent to the vet to be treated for its injuries.
"Arright! Time to hand out the prizes!"
"Here you go. And here's yours, and yours." The three fastest contestents, were of course, all locals, but the binome handing out the prizes still came up to the strangers, handing them something. It appeared to be a statue of a little binome holding a pig while smiling stupidly.
"What's this? We didn't make the top three," Matrix asks, confused.
"It's the 'special effort' trophy, sir. And you've wonnit!"
Not wanting to be rude, Matrix reluctantly accepts the trophy, and AndrAIa smiles at him. She at least makes all this better.
"Better go to the data showers t'get cleaned up'n'all, you's two. There be grub later!"
"Can't wait," Matrix says with more of his sarcasm, as a chicken flutters up onto his head and settles there.
"Dear Bob and Dot.
First stop was a quaint little system called 'Radiance'. Inhabitants are a bit slow in speed, but they're friendly and pleasant enough, regardless of what Matrix might tell you. Participated in someting called 'ZIP pig catching', which is fun and messy—you should try it sometime.
Anyways, we're off to the next system. Matrix hopes the next one is more developed than Radiance is.
JPGs included [check out that MUDdy Matrix!].
Love, Andi."
